I have been off the radar for a while. Even on of my good friends sent me a text the other day asking "Have you fallen off the face of the planet?"
I work 45 hours a week. All I feel I do is eat, sleep and work. My days off are not always weekends, so my social life is virtually non-existent. My wages keep my bills paid, and little else is left for me. Therefore escape is not easy.
I fear I have become what I always feared. Stuck in a rut. Going along with life as it is, and not making a difference or doing what I want, or achieving something. Don't get me wrong, I like routine. It's safety and security help me through life, but at the moment, my life has too much of the boring rigidity that I always wanted to avoid.
I have said before, and I shall say it again, that I should be glad I am employed. And I am. I never, ever want to return to those depressive days where I fought to keep myself up and out of bed, day in, day out, week in, week out, with nothing to do and nowhere to go...
Sadly now, I still have nothing (but work) to do, and nowhere to go, or anyone to go there with. Life stinks.
What keeps me going? Good question. Faith that things will get better. Experience of weathering the storms of life. Routine that provides the safety and security of familiarity.
Plans for the future? I have so many, I couldn't begin to start talking about them now.
For the short term at least, I am here, I am still alive and well, and I am still working.
